And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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