i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
