I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
