becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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