My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
