He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize