my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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