dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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