he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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