i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
