dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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