have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I forget how to act sober
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
