Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
