Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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