watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
