she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
