are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
