it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
