my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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