i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
