can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
