She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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