I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
