i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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