Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
