Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
