For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
