Sober January is a disaster.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
