I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
