so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
