Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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