you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
