My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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