I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
