dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
