Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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