I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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