Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
