Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Houston, we have a blender
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
