Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
