your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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