turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
