When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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