would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
