I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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