Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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