I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
