we have pet lesbian snakes
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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