Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
