Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
