i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
