I just threw up on my dentist
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
