Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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