I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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