I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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