U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
its liver damage thursday
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
