I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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