I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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