he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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