It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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