A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
