Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
