Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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