do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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