I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my fart just growled at me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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