i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
