Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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