pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
