The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
