You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
