could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
