I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
