i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
