I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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