k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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